July 8, 2011

JoEllen's Garden

This past January my dear friend and co-worker, JoEllen died from pancreatic cancer, and this is the second version of this post I have written.  The first one went into detail about her diagnosis, her eventual death and how she fought as best she could, without delusion, until she decided not to fight anymore.  Then I thought that this is not likely how she or anyone would want to be remembered, not for how they left, but for how they lived.  And JoEllen did live.  She had a large extended family, which was not without its issues (no family isn't) and she was the sun to many planets in her orbit.  We viewed her similarly at work, and she was the person everyone turned to when they needed help solving a problem, wanted to know how things really worked, or if you just needed to talk things out and vent.  She was "mom" to many. 

No one is perfect, but JoEllen had some very admirable traits.  One was her patience with all kinds of people, accept for the idle lazy.  Tied to this was here ability to listen, which is a muchly underused skill these days.  Long after I would have changed the subject or day dreamed away, she would have still been all ears.  I also admired her open mind and ease at accepting people who did not fit the mold.  It is no secret that the people I work with can be a bit quirky, myself included, but she found a way to relate to everyone, and was able to mediate between clashing personalities.  JoEllen was an avid reader and spent all of her lunch breaks in the car, no matter the weather, with her books and her cigarettes.  It always amazed me that she was not only speaking terms with her ex-husbands, but she was good friends with them, as well as their new wives.  She had a great love for nature, gardening, camping, her work, her town of Smithfield and especially her family.

After her death we wanted to honor and acknowledge her in some way at work.  It took us about two seconds to come up with planting a garden in her name.  Rather than creating a brand new garden from scratch, we chose to re-do and dedicate a spot that already existed, one that was surrounded by our daylily sales area, as this was her favorite plant and many already exist in her garden.  We also did some serious editing, pulling out things that no longer served their purpose.  Butterfly and bird-friendly plants were added, as well as feeders and a birdbath.  Touches of her favorite color, blue, were added.  Late in June we had a party for JoEllen and dedicated her garden.  Current and past employees were invited, as well as her family.  I had to (but wanted to) make one of those speaches no adult ever looks forward to.  But I did not choke completely, and I think she would have been pleased with our group effort.
JoEllen's Garden (2)

JoEllen's Garden (3)

JoEllen's Garden (4)

JoEllen's Garden (6)

JoEllen's Garden (5)

JoEllen's Garden (10)

JoEllen's Garden (9)

JoEllen's Garden (8)

JoEllen's Garden (13)

As part of the bargain of life, we will all have to accept the fact that we and and the people we love will eventually die, but this one has been hard for me.  I mentioned that JoEllen was a mom to both her real family and her work family.  However, on the day of her funeral I found out from one of her daughters that she thought of me as a brother, and though I did not realize it at the time, I too thought of her like a sister I never had.  Unfortunately social decorum can often keep people from discovering or expressing how they feel, and in this case I was too late.  It's a tough lesson I learned from a good sister.

22 comments:

  1. I'm seeing a theme with those blue garden accents, they really pop in her beautiful garden. :)

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  2. What a lovely tribute to your friend.

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  3. I'm feeling quite tearful after reading this. Beautifully said, Les, and you describe JoEllen just as she impressed me in the two short years I began to know her. One of the first things about her that made an impression on me was her vitality at her age. It is quite discomforting to think about how soon after she was gone.

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  4. I don't think anyone could want more than to be remembered as you've remembered JoEllen. Beautiful garden.

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  5. Your friend is so lucky to have your write this tribute to her....the garden is a beautiful homage to a person who has made a difference in this world. I enjoy getting older, but I also seem to treasure the little details more because they are constantly changing. Your garden pics are beautiful and colorful.

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  6. Les,
    The garden is beautiful and what a fitting way to memorialize JoEllen. Your essay was lovely.

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  7. What a gorgeous tribute to a fine lady! Well done, Les!

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  8. batinLes, very nice pictures and beautiful words, you remind me how much I miss her steady, constant and kind, influence on my everyday life here...

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  9. What a wonderful tribute to your friend. And what a wonderful reminder to begin your days at work with.

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  10. Gosh if even just one person thinks of me this way after I'm gone then I will feel good about the life I've lived. I am so sorry for your loss, and at the same time I think you very lucky to have known such a person as you did. And what a lovely tribute!

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  11. I bet she knew how you felt anyway. I can't think of a better tribute to a gardener than a garden planted in her honor.

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  12. When my time comes, I'd like my ashes scattered so I can be reborn in flora of the world. Your memorial garden is divine.

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  13. Lovely tribute Les. Know your friendship was a special bond, nice to hear it from her daughter.

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  14. i agree nice tribute. That's true we treat people the way we like to be treated. In regards to listening, God gave us two ears, two eyes and only one mouth.

    What kind of legacy are we going to leave?

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  15. Beautiful - the garden, your writing and your reflections.

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  16. Wonderful garden and so many vibrant colors of the flowers and shapes, heavenly looking garden! Nice combination too with the blue seats!
    Cheerful post Les, thanks for this positive vibe!!

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  17. The garden is lovely. What a wonderful way to remember your friend.

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  18. Beautiful post and I can't help but feel that JoEllen was as beautiful as her namesake garden. Thanks.

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  19. Les, I'm very sorry for the loss you experience with JoEllen's leaving. You are both lucky to have lived in the brother/sister relationship, even though it was never a spoken one. Your tender words make me wish that I had known her. The world weeps with you for the absence of someone we all would have been blessed to have in our lives.

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  20. Thank you everyone for taking the time to comment. This garden was not possible without the hard work of my co-workers. In life JoEllen would likely downplay all the attention.

    Les

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  21. What a lovely tribute, both your words and the garden. She sounds like a really special person, who obviously touched a lot of people. I am sorry you have lost such a good friend.

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  22. Hi Les, What a lovely tribute and a beautiful garden! Love those blue chairs!

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